Be Harder on Yourself

Sometimes, you need to become so disgusted with yourself, your life, or your situation that you can't help but change. People tolerate things for too long and dig themselves into an inescapable hole of problems and responsibilities.

"If you don't hate it, you will eventually tolerate it."

The job you didn't care about in the first place that takes up 8-9 hours a day, leaving you a tired, purchase-happy consumer who tries to fill the inner void with material instead of behavior change. The relationship that's grown repetitive. The one where you brush one problem under the rug that silently splinters into ten more that lead to an ambient anxiety that you can't shut off.

Nobody else is going to do it for you. Most people don't care if you change. In fact, most of the time, they'll do whatever it takes to see that you stay the same. They don't see you as you. They see you as the image they've created in their heads of who you are. And when you decide it's time for a change, that threatens a part of their identity. Like a mother who still has the image of you - a 30-year-old - as a young child who needs help.

There's a big difference between being hard on yourself and being so easy on yourself that it becomes the hardest thing in the world. You're allowed to hate things. You're allowed to become so disgusted at what you've become that you have no option but to slingshot in the other direction. "Peace, love, and light" is a delusion for those who don't understand that those things can't exist without their opposite.

Most people try to focus on the positive, which helps, but isn't as powerful as focusing on the negative. Avoiding fear is one of the most potent motivators in doing something great with your life. You are psychologically wired to survive.

But... it can turn on you fast. You need a negative future to work away from and a clear, positive future to work towards.

Focus 20% on the experiences you never want to live through again. You have my permission to hate them. Focus 80% on the potential you want to fulfill in your life to prevent yourself from drowning in hate. Be harder on yourself, but in a positive direction.